Of Love

I still don't have a copy of Andrew M. Greeley's "Book of Love" so I'm gonna be content with an excerpt for now:

Foreword

Love Before Love
It is odd that God has chosen the name of Love.

Maybe it's only a human name that we ascribe to God. Maybe we've imposed it on God without His permission. Or Her permission. Christianity is more explicit about the name. St. John says flatly that God is love. Other religions, as the selections in this Book of Love will illustrate, say pretty much the same thing, though perhaps more cautiously. Even the saints and the mystics, who may have had more contact with God than the rest of us, claim that they encounter overwhelming love.

If God didn't like the name, He could have easily rebuked those who use it, one way or another. If one is a Christian, one has to say that St. John's naming of God is inspired, that in some fashion God and St. John conspired to call Her Love.

Odd.

All right, our efforts at naming God are pale metaphors that reveal to us a little about God, a lot less than they don't reveal. God is like human love but also unlike it. Less passionate, less forceful, less determined, less enraptured? We can hardly say that because if we do the metaphor collapses. Love in its very nature is passionate, forceful, determined, enraptured. So if the metaphor has any validity at all it must mean that God is like human love only more so, more passionate, more forceful, more determined, more enraptured.

Scary.

Persistently passionate human lovers can be very scary. However, we can cool them off in various ways. A God who is infinitely more passionate? A God whom we can't cool off? A God from whom we can't escape? Very scary indeed.

And very odd.

Love is not just hearts and flowers and St. Valentine's Day lace -- though it is that too. Love is essentially a raging torrent rushing inexorably toward union. A river tumbling irresistibly toward the ocean, the ocean sweeping up into the river mouth in its high tide. Love is usually very messy, very troublesome, very dangerous, very consuming. It is, as Father Martin Darcy S.J. wrote in his classic The Mind and Heart of Love, finally not so much the desire to possess as the desire to be possessed. God is like that?

Most odd.

We are tempted to say that God doesn't really mean that. She conspired with St. John to say she was something sweet and nice, not something turbulent and demanding and fearsome. The word doesn't mean the same thing at all when it is used of human love as when it is used as God. Certainly Love is not love, right?

Wrong! Unless you want to argue that God plays word games as well as dice.

Love emerged in humankind not as a result of our being human but as a precondition of our becoming human. In our hominid ancestors the bonding between male and female, already passionate enough, had to extend to the female's children for humanity as we know it to emerge. The bond of love produced a family and, by so doing, produced humankind. Moreover, to really bond the family together humans had to develop in such a way that the male and female were capable of sex not merely episodically (once a month, once a year) but all the time. Now that is really messy!

Did God really want to compare Himself to the hunger of man and woman for one another, a hunger which in its pervasiveness is unique among the species about which we know? A hunger which causes all kinds of trouble in the human condition? A hunger which has developed out of the bonding propensities that we share with other less passionate species? A propensity to bond rooted in the earth and in bodies? Did God want us to think that He's really like that?

If He did, that is outrageously odd. However, one learns, like Job, not to argue with God. If God wants to be Love, then that's His business. One can understand, however, why many people try to pretend that God doesn't really mean it or to pretty the name over with a sentimental veneer. The implications of the notion that there is something in the messy joy of human passion that is very like God are too disturbing to have to take seriously.

Not only, then, do we pretend that the passion between man and woman is totally different from God's passion for us, we also try to pretend that all the other varieties of love that are part of human life are totally different from sexual passion. The word obviously means three totally different things -- God, human sexual attraction, and all the other loves in our life. There is lovep1p, lovep2p, and lovep3p. The first is God, the second is sexual attraction, the third is the way we feel about our friends and relatives. All are different. They merely happen to have the same name.

Stated that baldly, our attempt to eliminate the body from our friendships and from God may seem hilarious to some. Nonetheless, it is the implied conventional wisdom of those who want to escape from the scary implications of love as passion.

In fact, we know of no other species that have as many different kinds of love as we do. Clearly all our other loves are possible only because we are a species endowed with a very unique kind of sexuality, one oriented not merely, and not even principally, toward reproduction but toward bonding. Humans can have a wide variety of loves because they have such a powerful capacity to bond. The other loves are not the same as passion between man and woman, but the ability to engage in passionate sexual bonding makes possible all the other loves. They are not watered-down versions of sexual love but rather the result of our vast, amorphous, and desperate need to bond. Close friendship is not the same as sexual love, but it's not completely different either and is possible because we are creatures who can bond.

That leaves unanswered the question of why God wants to identify herself with human bonding, why She wants to create the impression that it is in her nature to bond with us. We often wish God would go away with that metaphor, but clearly there is no escaping it though we pretend to try.

Perhaps that is the reason that in so many of the current spate of books about virtues (Books of Virtue, etc.) love is absent. In these books one encounters much about various stoic virtues as honesty, reliability, industry, and suchlike -- all doubtless admirable virtues. However, one reads nothing in these inestimable anthologies about love.

One wonders why. Did St. Paul not say the greatest virtue was love? Have the anthologists dismissed him because love has somehow come to be identified with nineteen sixties' hedonism (as in "make love not war"), drugs, and rock music? Might it be that love is perceived as a soft, mushy, self-indulgent, undisciplined quality that hardly deserves the name of a virtue? How could one who writes editorials for the Wall Street Journal and cries for more outrage from Americans possibly sing the praises of something like love, for which there is, anyhow, little room in a free market economy? Why, of all things, should parents want to put in the hands of their children a book about love? Given the very conservative orientation of the anthologists, that may well be the case. Too bad for St. Paul. And for St. John too.

If love is a torrential force toward a union that bonds, it will bring sustained happiness only when it is focused, disciplined, intent, experienced, mature, patient, kind, and all those other nice things St. Paul says about it. The ability to love wisely and well is the most important trait parents can pass on to their children. It is not, however, sentimental mush.

Thus it seemed to us that the omission of Love from those anthologies is passing strange. So we decided to prepare a book that might be a supplement or a corrective or even a challenge to such books of virtue, minimally a polite reminder from St. Paul that without love the stoic virtues are sounding brass and tinkling cymbals.

Therefore we commit this book to two fundamental propositions:

God is Love.

The greatest of all virtues is love.

Mega Daughter

One favorite childhood memory of mine was being with my sister as we watch Sharon's films on the big screen. She's a true Sharonian. And I think she has rubbed off on me, but this time I love Sharon's daughter KC. She is cool. Recently, tabloid showbiz went crazy over the news that she spent time with her dad, after years of not being together. Wow. She is truly her mother's best achievement. And the fact that she shuns the usual showbiz fare but still graces commercials and fashion mags (and they sell!), that's class.

Oki, I think aside from Lea Salonga and Mikee Cojuangco, KC will be included in my roster of favorite Pinay beauties. They exude beauty, style, grace and excellence. Truly worth emulating. Ohh, I can't wait for my baby girl (!) in + years hahaha..

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Sleep has been such an indulgence especially this long weekend. The rainy weather just makes you want to lie down and chill. Hay..sarap. And then my 15 month old toddler would wrestle me in bed and as usual, I lose everytime. Sigh.

Survey

Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. Voice and stage performance coach
2. Researcher and production assistant
3. Creative and PR staff
4. Marketing ASM

Four movies I've watched Over and Over:
1. Pretty Woman
2. You've Got Mail
3. Before Sunrise
4. Before Sunset

Four places I've lived in:
1. Belair in UN Avenue - 26 years of my life
2. Sampaloc, Manila - bumabaha
3. Las Pinas
4. BF Paranaque

Four TV shows I'd like to watch:
1. One Tree Hill
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. LOST
4. Philippine Idol

Four places I've been on a vacation:
1. Hongkong
2. China
3. Cebu
4. Sagada

Websites I visit daily:
1. msn
2. livejournal
3. blogger
4. inq7

My favorite foods:
1. italian
2. sitsirya - junk food is my weakness
3. ice cream
4. inihaw

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Paris
2. Florence
3. California
4. Corregidor

Being a Fan

Hi, Lynette!

Great to hear from you. You're always good for my ego. I'm actually delighted to hear that Jinxed is now dog-eared, lol, and that it's still bringing you so much pleasure.

I hope you'll follow me when I make the switch to Desire. Take care and do stay in touch!

Best, Day
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This is the reply I got from Day Leclaire, author of numerous romance books from Harlequin.

When I was a teenager, I used to read about an average of 2 books a day since these are easy reads, roughly 100 pages max of Harlequin, Mills and Boons, Silhoutte no brainers. I like the stories, how they met, fall in love, conflict, break up and the obligatory happy endings. It's pure mush but still for someone who didn't have a boyfriend in highschool, it was a great escape from it all. If you're not living it, at least you get to read about it right?!

Day Leclaire had this fun book called "Jinxed". The story revolves around a toy inventor (girl) who is clumsy and disorganized so her boss (guy) usually freaks out. It's a screwball comedy filled with hilarious situations and I just kept on laughing the whole time. I love it so much.

Videoke

My videoke experience takes me as far back as late 1990's, when multiplex was becoming obsolete and cds are the "in" thing. The first time I heard of Magic Sing microphone was when my ex-boyfriend used to do demos and they'd do the rounds in exhibits and trade fairs. I kid you not.

Next thing I knew, videoke microphones,token machines and videoke bars took hold of Pinoys everywhere. It's fun. It fulfills your diva ambitions. It annoys your neighbors. FUN!

I already have a repertoire when it comes to these long, long hours of serious singing. From fast to slow, OPM..love it. And then you see your reward at the end: 100, You Are Great Singer!

Of War

The first ever memory I had of war was when I was 9 years old. I remember distinctly it was on channel 7 and the made for tv movie was called "Escape from Sobibor". It was about a few Jews who escaped in a Poland death camp. After that, I kept reading about Nazis, Hitler, Holocaust and we even had a Time war photography book. I dunno but I was hooked. Anne Frank made me cry a lot. I used to think all Germans were evil. I hated their language and I feared them. I watched "Schindler's List" and the "Pianist" with a heavy heart. I didn't understand "Life is Beautiful" when I first saw it until I had my own child. How I wanted to shield him from the horrors of the world and so forth.

Now, there's the war in Lebanon. In the homefront, NPAs and terrorists abound. It's scary. In an instant, your whole life will change. Survival or death - not much choice but it's reality. Will I be a hero or a coward?

Vodka Dry

There was a year when I was drunk for like twice a week. I'm not sure if it's 2002 or 2003. Anyway. I didn't know why I felt compelled to drink. I wasn't depressed or anything (or was I? Tsk tsk, I don't really remember). I'd also have drinking sessions at home with my brothers. I just went to gimiks and it was more fun to have Smirnoff Mule or Bailey's or San Mig Light than Cali Shandy. It was also the year I think I went bar hopping the most. Now I think of how much I spent that time and winced. Going home at 5am from Malate, Thelma if you're reading this - those were the days..

My alcohol history is under scrutiny today since we recently had our videoke night with office pips. And I only had grape juice. Ya, how boring but it was a really huge glass (hehe). Anyway. I realized alcohol doesn't appeal to me anymore unlike before. Although I can still have Absolut vodka on certain occasions. Or gin tonic.

Or..never mind..

Musicals

The past week was cartoons, this weekend was all about musicals. And guess who was my tv buddy? Rye of course! I got copies of "The Phantom of the Opera" and "Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat". And then we both got lost in the fascinating worlds of music, song and dance. We gasped. We danced. We slept really late.

In college, I was able to learn about musicals when I studied the works of Vincente Minnelli - An American in Paris, Meet Me in St. Louis, Brigadoon..So now I'm gonna start my own collection. Oh and soundtracks too.

My nephews got hooked on "High School Musical" at Disney Channel. Now I'm into it as well. And the female lead is Pinay. Yey!

Cartoons

I know this is such a LATE review on "Chicken Little" but I can't help but write about it nonetheless. Yesterday, when the rains were pounding outside, Rye and I were laughing (at least I was laughing and he was seriously watching - eyes big and mouth open). I wasn't able to see it when it was the "in" movie. It was fun. I mean I only watch cartoons when I'm with kids and watching it with my son had a special feel to it. Like it's a start of stuffs we would do together..now we wrestle each other, I'd relentlessly pursue to kiss him and he'd wiggle away and then I'll corner him and he'll give out an ear-shattering shriek. Tomorrow, we might be travelling together. Or in the future, we'd watch basketball etc etc.

Sights, Sounds and Smells of Childhood

Growing up, these are the distinct Sss I'll always remember:

TV show sights:

1. Batibot - When I saw Kuya Bodjie in person I got star struck kahit ang tanda ko na!

2. Tagalog Classics - those black and white films on channel 9, that's why nag Comm Arts ako, I wanted to do films and know what it's like backstage..Favorite ko si Gloria Romero and Rogelio dela Rosa..

3. Knight Rider - David Hasselhof before Baywatch and Kit, great car

4. McGyver - every Saturday night, the whole family would watch Richard Dean Anderson fight the bad guys using the swiss knife lang

5. Doogie Howser M.D. - eto yung nagpamulat sa akin sa PC and keeping a journal, love the soundtrack and his friendship with Vinnie

6. Twilight Zone - it's creepy Friday lagi

7. Beverly Hills 90210 - Brandon Walsh..wahh..Thelma and I loved the show so much!

8. Sa Linggo NA PO Sila - Love the APO and first saw Agot and Rico Yan was just starting sa noon time show na to

9. Anna Liza - naabutan ko pa si Julie Vega. Favorite ng Mama ko yun, she even went to her burial

10. Homefront - palabas to sa channel 2 pero super late na, setting after the war in US

Sounds:
1. My Mom and Dad's conversations every morning - nagigising ako sa mga boses nila, just talking and having breakfast

2. Smokey Mountain - i was so into Jeffery Hidalgo but thelma said he's gay now so..boohoo. it was the 1st concert that i went to..

3. Ogie Alcasid - Kuya Bong has his albums, favorite nya tlga kaya nung pinanood nya yung concert sa Maxi, he was so thrilled!

4. audio cassettes - dati we give ate elma audio tapes of our singing and messages..hahaha..those were the days

5. choir practice - we'd stay at Tahanan village where the Mercados live and just practice and sing the whole day, minsan buong weekend pa..saya

6. Lea Salonga - nagasgas na ung copy ko ng "A Miss Called Lea", na memorize ko na lahat ng repertoire nya. I still know I'm gonna be in a musical soon (libre mangarap di ba)

7. 60's music at RJ 100 - dati sa Cavite, every Sunday tune in sila Mama sa RJ.. Matt Monroe, Frank Sinatra all the classics alam ko

8. Jessica Zafra's "Twisted on a Sunday" - thelma and i listened to it faithfully every week, and laugh and rant with her

9. Mama singing - she used to sing "You Needed Me" everytime sa videoke kaya ayun ang theme song nya. Whenever I hear it, I know nagpaparamdam sya sa akin, either Im good or in trouble..hehe

10. Ate Elma singing - oh no! she had a recording of Sharon's HIgh School Life and it was so horrible, tawa kami ng tawa..

Smells:
1. garlic frying / sautee - Mama's yummy cooking, yung kitchen namin ang bango bango, I still can't eat lumpiang shanghai and all her other famous dishes without remembering her

2. Barbie doll - the smell of my new toy fresh out of the box

3. Coppertone sunblock / chlorine - during my summer swimming class at Rizal stadium

4. saltwater - Manila Bay when it was cleaner

5. My mom's perfume - sweet, not overpowering

6. Air freshener - those tiny, multi-colored oblong shaped ones you put in pencil cases

7. eraser and stationery - in school

8. chowking - it was just below our unit

9. pets - had a number of dogs and they all smell bad..hehe

10. melon - my favorite summer fruit

Now that I'm older, it's Rye's feet and head that I'm addicted to. Asim!

Grey's Anatomy

I love Meredith Grey. She's my new alter-ego. She embodies my childhood wish of being a doctor. I love her. and I love Dr. McDreamy. Believe me I know how she feels.

The Bitch in Me

I'm exhausted from being angry. I never did like being mad. I cringed at confrontations and refused to argue or debate - that was my nature. Until now. Well, when the offense is made against my friend or family member, that's where the bitch in me comes alive. I don't want to be mad because I can be really mean, the "alias" factor, my wish of being a secret agent surfaced again. I really plan my mode of attack. Yes, it's freaking me out too.

I don't want to go to full details because that will kill the mystery (hehe). The first incident was too easy. A guy was bothering my friend to the point of stalking. What I did was really low ( I know) but it had to be done. I simply mass mailed his friends and relatives, all those found in his forwarded messages and told what he has been doing to her for the past weeks. and then my soul sister sent the same message to all of his officemates' email addresses. and he finally backed off. what's weird is that this guy couldn't imagine me being the mastermind of it all.

the second one is much more complicated. I was able to say to her face she's below pond scum (of course that wasn't exactly what i said but you get the point huh?!). She's filth. If this is the season for break ups of not meant to be relationships, then well, let's celebrate!

p.s. people are starting to get scared of me. there was a door incident too. my sister and pamangkins got trapped in the room with the broken lock and I kicked the door until it collapsed. I had Extra Joss that day. My sister said I was crazy, should have just broken the door handle. But it took a long time and I had no tools. Kicking the door was easier and made my wish come true (it's the police, open the door!)Now people call me Tadyak Queen.

So moral of the story..always have a hammer in the house. or don't take Extra Joss when not needed.

our Daddy Dad

Yesterday's Father's day celebration was so sweet coz we were all there except for Mama whom we visited at Golden Haven. 4 siblings, 7 apos all crammed in a van and Dad was so happy to spend the day with us.

My Dad is a constant presence in my life, he's been my knight in shining armour, my hero and friend. I think I got the quiet and brooding traits from him. He's shy but he's really funny once you get to know him and loves to read a lot. He also adores his grand kids. He is one guy who's honest (!), well-respected and sooo kind.

I still think someday I'll get lucky enough to find someone kahit kalahati lang ng pagkatao nya...

Lov ya Dad.

Toddler Riley

I got inspired with a mom blog so here's my Rye update:

Yesterday, my sister arrived and Rye was in his best behavior. I even completed lunch without rushing. Holy *&&^! He was all smiling and sits like a saint in a high chair, eating fried chicken. Ate scooped him up and he didn't wiggle away. He was just sickeningly (?) adorable. Heehee.

When we got home, he was just making kulit and he has a new trick - he sways when he hears music. Like the concert goer kind of sway. Cute. When in front of a mirror, he pulls out his tongue. He also puckers his lips when he does the "beautiful eyes" routine.

When Jj cries or makes topak, he would go and parang wants to comfort him. basta punta lang sya and would look or touch him.

My pix at Multiply

since the files are big, i've posted my recent pix at duchessnette.multiply.com.

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As of last count, i have less than 50 books of Andrew M. Greeley. He's a priest, poet, sociologist, professor and novelist of around 30 bestsellers. He's 78 years old and I hope I get to meet him someday. He changed my life, my views on religion but most importantly he influenced my enormous love for God. He reiterates that God lurks everywhere, shares our joys and our pains and that He pursues us with a passion, that God is madly in love with us. AMG believes in second chances, in love renewed and that everyone is a teenager at heart. I hope I get to complete my collection. More to go..

http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/g/andrew-m-greeley/

Full Circle

Around this time last year, I was a sleep-deprived, struggling new Mommy. Those were tough adjustments and I was so tired. Post-partum stress is real. I wanted a break from the round the clock 2 hour feedings not to mention that Rye was colicky. Oh, the daily crying at 3 am made me want to cry myself.

A year after, my Rye sleeps like a log and takes over the entire bed. Last Saturday was his first trip to the zoo. And what a riot it was! We went to the Kinder Zoo - a petting zoo which is better than the entire grounds since you can touch and pose with the animals. Well, Rye and I touched a huge albino snake and a medium-sized snake was placed in my shoulder (I frozed!), a bayawak and parrots. He was patting the snake like it's just a dog.

Pix to follow.

Random Thoughts

This is a weird time..I haven't read a book in months. I haven't watched tv in a month (so I'll probably resort to season dvds of my fave shows coz we don't have cable). I haven't seen a movie in the cinema since Narnia I think. My past weekends were booked for workshops, pedia check ups, bonding with the kids and friends. And Grocery shopping. You won't believe that Thelma, Maro, Yen, Jen & I spent hours in Toy Kingdom and SM Supermarket. Had fun with the scanner thingy. Oh and a video store where we found sale vcds. Yey.

I'm just amazed that my usual multi-media filled existence is now reduced to listening to music on my way to work. And then seeing the latest celebrity news and pix online. It's fun though. Reading stories to Rye even if he slept while I was in the middle of my storytelling..Listening to JJ and Jom's basketball stories..

Celebrity moms boggle me no end. I'm bothered with Britney's about-to-go-on-a breakdown scene due to a barrage of seemingly mommy neglect news. Poor girl. And another one on the way. She looks exhausted. And then we see Jennifer Garner, all smiling and cool holding pretty Violet. Soo cute.

Rye is really announcing to the world he's a toddler now by way of his new tantrum trick - he dives backwards ala Pilita Corrales when he can't have his way or when he's upset. And he's been doing it with much effort. May buwelo pa. Tsk tsk..

Roseola Ruined Rye's Birthday

Everything was perfect. The weather (the week before there was a sudden storm), the venue, the party favors, the program, the people - the kids with their painted faces and the food. Except for Riley. He had fever and colds. Turns out he had 3 Day Fever a.k.a. Roseola Infantum a.k.a Tigdas Hangin. It's NOT measles. It's symptoms are like measles - fever, swollen glands, cough, colds and then yesterday, he had the rashes..all 101 million of them (according to Jayjay). He was the red spotted baby the day after his party.

I'll post the pix tomorrow. Thank you so much for coming! Though Rye was crying, we practiced how he'd blow the cake, how he'd smile and make beautiful eyes to his guests and clap his hands and do the close open baduy thing..He'd do all of those but Roseola ruined it. Wrong timing..

But he was happy. He was still spitting at the guests and he was pointing at Popeye and Olive.

Thank you God. Now that he's one, he's making it known by making the initial toddler tantrums..

post Mother's Day post

My back hurts. Badly need a massage. I haven't fully slept. Badly need a nap. My feet hurt from too much walking. Badly need a foot spa. I have read only 3 pages of Da Vinci Code since this weekend. But I am not complaining. In fact, it's fun! Being a mom to a one year old (in 4 days, wow!) and a guardian to 2 boys (with everyday tantrums) is amazing..Yesterday despite the rains, we braved the museums in Intramuros and had a blast. They learned about Jose Rizal, Philippine costumes and heritage,art works and historical places. In the afternoon off we went to Star City. It was one roller coaster ride (literally and figuratively) for me!

Dear Lord, I thank You for a year drenched with grace. I have witnessed milestones upon milestones of Riley's development and it's just the beginning! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU..

JJ and Jom in Manila

I'm so happy that my nephews are here on vacation. They're going to learn basketball and have field trips organized by me. I already have my itinerary planned and ready for implementation. Museums, heritage sites etc. Wohoo..I'm so maternal these days that it's actually fun. Contrary to my warped expectations. And they love Riley so much. And Rye loves them back. He spits at them (which he does when he's happy) and dives to them head first when they're sleeping..Yup, that's pure cousin(ly)affection.

Straight from the airport, they already went to Romina's party..Cool~!