hide and seek

it didn't want to reveal itself. it refused to budge. but was waving and moving. til next time.

checked out YM and old memories came surging back. i was like the crying emoticon.

the good part of me tells me to shut up. the bad side well..will remain hidden.

a relationship's postmortem

I just can't resist writing about this. And so it was a thousand days of myth and realism. I wouldn't have it any other way. I've always said my life's banner would be "No Regrets" which is more romantic as opposed to "Tried but Died". It was the kind of thing you only experienced once and then you go about it inside your head when you're old and feeling abandoned, trying to recapture every detail in an effort to be alive once more.

People no matter how much you care for them, end up leaving. You lose them to death, to career, to other people, to vice, to foreign lands and different life goals. So if they're still with you, hang on to their every word and action because they will be gone...soon.

It's a sad fact. But the good news is you get to store each person's memory in your head. Or in your heart. Or in any body part you wish for them to linger (Oopsy..). And you pray really hard that when the rains of life come, these people will continue to inspire you, urging you to fight and emerged victorious in the end.

touche

And so it has come to this...again. I really can't complain. This is a life-altering moment and do I know it? YEAH. This will test my grit, my stamina, heck everything. But contrary to public expectation, I will rise to the occasion. You'll see. Just you wait. This is the kind of stuff I was destined to fulfill. Bring it on.

I maybe scared, confused and dazed at this point but I'm human. Give me some time. After all, it was a thousand days of bliss. I'm just enduring 3 weeks of woe.

seduce the duke

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations.Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories.It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you.You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/seducerquiz/">What Is Your Seduction Style?

A Prophet Soul

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Ta Met!!!

Jocelle Anne calls me "'Ta Met!" Last night, we were singing our lungs out in the videoke. Then I had a wonderful conversation with JJ and Jom about speaking English here and knowing Tagalog and how kids are mean here. It was one of those moments where you just want to stretch forever. But we were all sleepy already and it was great to end the night like that. And I savor being with Ate and having breakfast, lunch and dinner with her and just laughing together. And Jocelle's big eyes staring at me in wonder as I sang "Part of your world". You see, she's Ariel and she prefers to be called "Mermaid" than just her Mom's "Pumpkin".

Oh boy, this month flew by so quickly I didn't even realized I cut my hair tomboy short. And some pretty huge changes too. Anyhow, I look forward to coming home and just bond with the Cendanas. Especially Jocelle. The maldita kid who just makes me feel good about life.

2004 reasons to be grateful

2004 was just amazing, surprising, goodness--it's dumbfounding!

Kupal Krismas

Nais ko kayong lahat batiin "Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon"!Di ko alam ibig sabihin ng "manigo" pero malamang ok yun. Huwag kalimutang magpasalamat sa lahat ng mga natanggap na biyaya sa lilipas na taon. Ipagdasal ang mga yumao, ang mga nalulungkot at mga tuliro sa utak at sa puso.Yakapin at sabihing minamahal mo ang mga taong malapit sa yong puso, sa iyong pamilya na tinanggap ka ng lubos mabuti man o masama ang iyong nagawa, sa iyong mga kaibigan na umunawa at nagtimpi sa yong mga walang katuturang pag-aalala sa buhay, sa iyong minamahal o mga minamahal..labas na kami dun. Sa mga ka-opisinang nagtiwala kahit na minsan topakin ka sa trabaho. At higit sa lahat sa Poong Maykapal na binigay ang lahat pati ang sariling Anak para lamang sa kupal na katulad natin. Amen.

18 days to go before Xmas

so this is going to be a really busy month. there's the choir xmas party, the company xmas party, the moving, ate arrival..busy beezee..good news is that i'm out of my dark mode. snapped out of it. goodbye uncle scrooge. i intend to have a great holiday season this year because i'm so much blessed. and it's coming along fine. a Bible verse just came to me "His grace is sufficient for me." I mean as my bestfriend said, the past weeks i've been trying desperately trying to be superwoman, doing everything at once. and that's really stressful.not to mention chaotic on my part. i acknowledged that i need help from people. that i can't do it alone. that people indeed care a whole lot. and it comes in droves, in spurts through text, one on one meetings. i am surrounded with the best kind of people..those who are kind and who understand. come what may.

24 days til Christmas

so the whole of November was a blur, busy with the house, busy with family concerns, busy with the unexpected surprise that is..shh..and so now I'm still in a dazed state. About to move to this new environs and yet getting sad at the thought of leaving my comfort zone which is bel-air. Last Sunday it dawned on me. There is no going back. And then sadness just swept me away.

My mood shifts like a blink of an eye. Rapid and erratic all at once. And it's making me insane. More insanity coming up in the next months. Don't miss it.

I'm exhausted, emotionally, physically. I just want to sleep for a week. And then wake up like none of this happened. Haha.

So i'm partly done with my x-mas shopping. check. The whole of Sunday we braved the mall sale and found some great finds. Please understand i'm getting semi-o.c. these days. Must be the influence of my boss. i'm about to embark on my first house move so i must get ready to pack. Oh, the travails of letting go of the environs I've grown up with. But then the people are the ones I truly missed. And they have gone ahead too.

Last night I was laughing so hard over Adam Brody's character Seth in the O.C. He was hilarious. He was soo cute. He's even better than the male lead. Most of all, he gets the best lines in the series. I'm also crazy about One Tree Hill. Oh, and the best news is that Studio 23's bringing back Gilmore Girls this November. Yey!

this is Escolta in the 1800s. isn't it amazing to be in a place where so much life and history has happened? 

under the weather

so it was an extended down time for me. which completely weirded me out because usually in 1 or 2 days i'm back in my usual jolly mode. but this one took me weeks. on the outside, nothing's wrong with me. i've been with friends, with people that matter, i'm ok with work, church service. so i ought to be fine. NO.

inside i was a mess. when i'm alone or about to sleep or wake up, i just couldn't muster enough strength to get up or continue on. i mean believe me when i tell you i must have known what sleeping beauty felt. up until now, i don't know why it was like that. probably the lull in my sked, the routine and the all-together nothing really eventful happening with me. the excitement of moving spiralled in my head for quite a while and then i began to feel indifferent about it since the process took long to materialize finally. everything is like jampacked in december.

so when the earthquake happened, at least blood was rushing thru my veins. i mean i was that desperate for something, anything exciting to happen. i was cranky, negative and a total waste of time to people around me. so there.

do you know how odd it is to go to the mall and not find anything to buy for xmas gifts? not one single item? even for myself? am i crazy? di ba shopping is the remedy for depression among women? arrgghh..

now, i think i'm getting my groove back. i wish.

and the earth shook

So i was about to drift to la la land last night when the earth trembled. And it was longer than the last time which was about a month ago. I thought i was just groggy when suddenly even the wallclock was swaying. Good thing i wasn't the panicky type. When you live in a 70 yr old building, it is scary. But then i couldn't find my slippers, so we just stayed where we were. That's how anti-social or stupid our family were har har har..but turns out it was just that one time. I remembered the "Relativity" episode where Isabel and Leo were doing it and there was an earthquake, understably so because they were in L.A. They thought they caused the earth to move. whoa!

Kudos to CNN. they reported it first. The local networks suck!

spelunking in Sagada

spelunking (n) the sport of climbing and walking in caves

Way before i learned what this word actually means, i was able to do this already. yey! we spelunked (?) in Sumaging Cave in Sagada, also known as the Big Cave. It was the ultimate adventure. On hindsight, we didn't really know what we were getting into. Thelma just let us read a few web articles about Sagada and Auntie Day's own trips. And I was the total "saling pusa" on that trip. I bought the bus ticket with only 2 seats available since Thelma and Jen got theirs a week earlier. I only had enough money to last a week and truly we couldn't believe how we even got home. Yes, i promised the mountain mystics i'll go back. with Juan Luna in tow.

a busy sunday city tour

Yen and i had our "day-off" yesterday at Camp Aguinaldo to be at the "Feast" celebration with Bo Sanchez. It was fun to see Mara from our college block who's part of the choir and other Elimites like Work and Randy. I'm not sure if they transferred communities or it's just a guest member thingy. Anyhoo, it was inspiring to listen to Bo. I've read about him for so long but it was the first time i ever saw and listened to him live.

Yen and i had head aches from commuting and too much walking. But it was still fun.

We visited preggy thelmy. Had extended girl talk. which the both of them did the talking. i was just a sounding board as always..hehe. I had a great time just listening to them laugh and shout at each other because they CAn be loud..er. I think I got extra listening skills than most people. I can survive not speaking for days. It's true. It's all about taking it all in.

give me gilmore girls

i missed "gilmore girls" already, ang bagal ng studio 23 ha. and it's not on cable so it's really frustrating..i just have to make do with the website transcripts and spoilers of the show. I love Lorelai and Rorie. I mean if I'll be a mom and that's a HUGE if, i'd be crazy weird like Lorelai. Someone who thinks of her daughter as a friend more than the "i'm the mom so you will obey every word i say" type. My mom and I had a big generation gap but then she was still cool. She was very good with people. She had this engaging personality and was so persuasive. i didn't inherit that at all. She was the happy extrovert. I was the loner, spaced-out kid who had books as playmates.

Another mother-daughter thingy i wanted was "Anywhere But Here" featuring Susan Sarandon and Natalie Portman. Always the kid who acts like an adult, always the mother who has seen it all and determined to live a great, worry-free life. I always get weepy after i watch it. It just strikes me everytime.

87 days before christmas

oh, i just can't wait for Christmas this year! there's the new house and my sister's family having a vacation here. and my birthday and thelma's baby shower and wedding. packed and ready to party..yihee.

i'm wearing an ukay find, a shirt with "Hollywood Ranch Market" in it. soo cool. and it's black with shimmery stars. i savor wash days in the middle of the week. well, not for long though. we will have uniform tees as well.

so, i'm trying to get busy and not to notice the passing hours till jocelle's here. and to get down to work and decorate. wehehe. today i'm feeling ok. better than ok i believe. mwah

kate hudson and natalie portman

these two are my favorite Hollywood girls. they are so divine. they have class. they are so beautiful. if i were a lesbian, i'd go completely crazy just seeing them onscreen. here are some fascinating facts i read over natalieportman.com: portman was supposed to play the role of a young American girl who had an affair with a Frenchman in Le Divorce but then she backed out and Kate Hudson was the replacement. It was made in Paris so i bought a dvd version of it. and then in "almost famous", Portman auditioned for the role of Penny Lane but Kate got the yummy part. that's so bizaare..

Here's Cameron Crowe's explanation: "Somewhere there’s some fascinating audition footage of Brad Pitt as Russell Hammond and Natalie Portman as Penny Lane. That would have been a completely different movie. One were Penny Lane would have been a kind of protected child and her naïveté was so important to all of them that they all protected her. Russell would have been the guy to break that spell and mistreat her. That was a version that would have been completely different from the version we have. Kind of a sadder Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I’m not sure it would have been better, it just would have been different. It would have been more of a fairy tale. That’s one of the amazing things about the casting process because you get to see all these different versions of your movie. Kate Hudson was the Penny Lane who was completely fresh, but you believe she had a past, which was perfect for the movie I wanted to make. That mix and match happens a lot and you have to make these huge casting decisions on the spur of the moment and they last forever. It’s funny, there are a million different versions of every movie floating around because the actors all come in and audition and work on the parts. So you have many different alternate realities to choose from."

Make me a casting director, i wanna create alternate realities too!

of something to sing about

i'm over the moon these days because ate kriz is in town and ate mar will be here in december. they're my choir sisters who've been away for quite some time in malaysia and roxas. and i sorely missed them.

so, amazing race had a spectacular finale. and i love them because they depicted our country as a tropical paradise. and rightly so. wahaha. love to go to el nido. it's awesome. oh and i loved that colin and christie didn't win. they're just too intensed. and too cocky. the two hour drama was so wow. it drained me. the shift from tropical to cool climate in alberta was just too much. it was so extreme!

they passed by bel-air en route to rizal monument at 3:30 am! darn, i was sleeping soundly and they were just there right in my backyard. darn!