halo-halo thoughts on halloween

I'm sad today. i just learned that Ryan Philippe and Reese have split up. I love them as a couple. I have this thing for famous couples. It's either I love 'em or hate 'em. No in betweens. And I get really affected for days..like TomKat. That was hard to accept. But when I saw Suri, it changed everything. She's so beautiful.

I need a new book. Since last year, I didn't buy any new one since there are still some I haven't even started reading yet. So ok, I'm gonna try hard to find time for them soon so I can justify my new book purchase.

Yesterday, Yen and I had an impulse to go walking - my bones are starting to complain already while Yen was feeling sluggish. So off we went for a two hour walkathon. And it feels so good. I wish I could do it everyday. I know I can be sporty if I commit myself to it but...;) Maybe that could be my new year resolution.

My ate is 40 years old. She doesn't want to acknowledge it but yes she is starting her life today! My only sister is my role model. She's so different from me and yet we're the same. She's got great fair skin, can dance so well and is a fashionista. I get make-up and clothing tips from her. She is classy and her style is impeccable. She's organized, a squeaky clean girl. We're both quiet among other people but really loud when we're together and can be push-overs ( as in uto-uto ng mga taong panget hahaha). But we are shopaholics, we can spend the entire day at the mall and just find bargains for hours. We can read each other's minds. We never fight. The only time she got mad at me was 2 years ago but then it was over in 2.7 seconds. I love her generous heart and her fighting spirit. Just like my mom.

My Ate is my 2nd mom. The first time I ever got depressed was when she left for the States when I was 12 years old. I was inconsolable for weeks. I was just crying and pouting and wishing the world would end soon. She makes me want to be a better person and taught me not to settle. She took off the blindfold and made me see the light. Thank you so much Ate Mael. She was supposed to be named Cecilia Joy. I love you. Can't wait for another vacation with you and the kids!

I hope I can present the man you had in mind for me. Just you wait. Matagal-tagal pa. Hirap ng packaging. hahaha. Pero natuto na ko. Pramis.

year-end thoughts

Whenever November comes around, December is just a breath away. Next thing you know, it's frenzied shopping and partying galore. And then it's Christmas Eve and then New Year. and then my birthday..heehee.

When I was younger, I used to take stock of how my year turned out. I wrote monthly milestones and then capped the journal entry with some form of closure. a goodbye hello ritual. Now I only write my thoughts online and I missed my scribbles, the way my hand hurts from too much writing.

This year has been really slow and steady. Peaceful. Just watching my boy grow (walking, mimicking, cruising, tight hugging). Being with my sister and her kids (the best vacation ever). Being with Yen (ang haba ng hair - pila ang guys). And Dad (got him back from the wicked witch..hooray for the triumph of good vs. evil!). Assessing friendships. A new nephew (congrats jundee, hindi ka baog). A pleasant surprise which is still a work in progress (keeping my fingers crossed).

It's a time of getting more comfortable being a mother and acknowledging that my life is now more focused and more fulfilled. It's trusting the Lord when there are seemingly insurmountable obstacles. And then just believing..inspired by the mustard seed principle. I know a lot of changes will happen next year. I can sensed it as early as now. I just hope they're good changes. Super Didooper!

Now I'm excited for Christmas. Last year was chaotic since we were moving out and stuff. This time we're staying, building roots. Getting settled. Feels so good...

Rye @ 17 mos baby!

Rye is 17 months today and is now walking! Yes, ladies and gentlemen - the much-awaited moment has finally arrived. At around 10.30 pm last night I saw my son took 4 steps alone and has this goofy grin on his face, like saying "hey, I'm a real toddler now, watch me go!" My dad was responsible for this major feat. He was the one who first saw him walk yesterday.

So I'm still reeling from the experience of seeing this little man take his first steps. I'm proud of course but a little weepy. He's not a baby anymore technically but he'll always be my Batootoot.

Nid a digicam soo bad so I can shoot all his milestones. I haven't printed the summer pix yet. Wahh..

I love it when he hugs me super tight. I can't thank God enuf for this one.

Welcome Gabby!

Meet my nephew who came out into the world just today at 12.24 am..Hellow Gabriel Matencio! Welcome to our zany, wacky, loony menagerie..the 8th wonder apo of Daddy Dad.

failure and success

Failure:
You think you like someone and then you get mixed signals if he likes you back. And then now you're confused and dunno where to proceed. You're scared of taking risks because you've been badly burned. And you've just completely recovered. How can you jump into the foray again??! You feel too much and it just won't go away...

Success:
You get an out of the blue text message from a looong time friend whom you dated thrice and then went kaput. You don't even remember why it didn't work out. You just knew he kissed you once and didn't feel a thing. It feels good to know he's hoping that all is well with you. It feels great to know that after 6 years, about 2 or 3 guys are still wondering how you are doing.

Advisory: real name withheld

16 months baby!

Riley is 1 year and 4 months today. He's got a surprise coming up in November. It's sentimental because it's the same month I first learned I was pregnant. Oh wow!

my human alarm clock

Rye woke up at exactly 4:57 am today. What's so adorable about him is that the moment he wakes up, he just suddenly stands up and looks outside the window. And in the process, steps on my face with his huge feet. My son is the only human being who can step on me literally. And who can never make me cranky even at this ungodly hour. How could I when he would smile (6 teeth emerging) at me or just make loud and weird vowel-consonant sounds..How could I not thank God for this cutesie?

And then when I come home, he just waits for me so I can lull him to sleep and put him to bed. Ahh, my constant comfort no matter how good or bad my day turned out..

I Miss you so much Mama

Your Mother is always with you
She's the whisper of the leaves
as you walk down the street
she's the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks
she's the cool hand on your brow
when you’re not well
Your Mom lives inside your laughter
And she's crystallized in every tear drop
She's the place you came from
your first home
and she's the map you follow
with every step you take
She's your first love
and your first heartbreak
and nothing on earth
can separate you
Not even death

I miss you soo much Ma. Hope you got to meet Rye. He got your social skills and your smile. I know you're always with me. In dreams. In songs. In signs. Always. I love you. See you soon!

in hello

Lynette ver.7.0

I think I need upgrading!

sigh.

Pagsibol

I've heard this song again last night during Mass. And whenever I hear it, I just want to cry. It's so beautiful! Bukas Palad songs just refreshes my soul..

Pagsibol (Lyrics and Chords)
Arnel Aquino SJ
Album and Score Book: The Best of Himig Heswita
Intro: (4/4) E-EM7/D#-C#m-C#m/B-AM7-F#m7-Bsus-B7

E EM7 C#m C#m/B A-F#m7
Bawat huni ng ibon sa pag-ihip ng amihan
Bsus B7-E
Wangis Mo'y aking natatanaw
EM7 C#m C#m/B A-F#m7
Pagdampi ng umaga sa nanlamig kong kalamnan
Bsus B7
Init Mo'y pangarap kong hagkan.

Koro1:
E E/G# F#m7 B
Panginoon, Ikaw ang kasibulan ng buhay
B7 E E/G# G#m7-C#7sus
Puso'y dalisay kailanpaman.
C#7 F#m7 Am G#m7-C#m7
Ipahintulot Mong ako'y mapahandusay
F#m7 Bsus B7 E - EM7/D# C#m
Sa sumasaibayong kaginhawahan.
C#m7/B - AM7 -F#m7 - Bsus - B

2. (Same Chords)
Nangungulilang malay, binulungan ng tinig Mong
Nagdulot ng katiwasayan
Paghahanap katwiran, nilusaw Mo sa simbuyong
karilagan ng pagmamahal (Koro1)

Koro2: (Transpose) Bb/C
C7 F F/A Gm7 C7sus
Panginoon, Ikaw ang kasibulan ng buhay
C7 F F/A Am7-D7sus
Puso'y dalisay kailanpaman.
BbM7 Bbm7 Am7 - Dm
Ipahintulot Mong ako'y mapahandusay
Dm7 Gm7 Bbm C7 Am7-Dm
Sa sumasaibayong kaginhawahan.
Gm7 Bbm7 Am7 - Dm
Dalangin pa sana'y mapagtanto kong tunay
Dm/C Gm7 Bb7 C7 F
Kaganapan ng buhay ko'y Ikaw lamang.
F/E-Dm-Dm7/C-BbM7-Gm7-C-F

----------------------------------------------

"be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a foreign tongue. do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer."

Exactly.

Thank God for blogs and for those who have them and I consider these people my friends even if they don't know me. I have local blog sites and foreign ones in my Favorites. And I learn a lot from them. Especially at this time...

My favorite show as of today

"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

When on earth can I possibly have the guts to say this to any guy????? Argghhh!

Of course, Derek also has his own heart stopping line:

"Shut up. -- My mother's maiden name is Maloney. I have four sisters, eight nieces and five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single malt Scotch and occasionally a good cigar. I fly fish, I cheat when I do the Sunday crossword puzzle and I don't dance in public. My favorite color is blue. And not that light blue. Indigo. The Sun Also Rises? Favorite novel. The Clash? Favorite band. This tiny little scar by my nose? That's why I don't ride motor-cycles anymore. And I live in that trailer! And
all this land is mine and I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it!! That's it, that's all you've earned. For now. The rest...well, the rest you'll have to
take on faith."

Of Love

I still don't have a copy of Andrew M. Greeley's "Book of Love" so I'm gonna be content with an excerpt for now:

Foreword

Love Before Love
It is odd that God has chosen the name of Love.

Maybe it's only a human name that we ascribe to God. Maybe we've imposed it on God without His permission. Or Her permission. Christianity is more explicit about the name. St. John says flatly that God is love. Other religions, as the selections in this Book of Love will illustrate, say pretty much the same thing, though perhaps more cautiously. Even the saints and the mystics, who may have had more contact with God than the rest of us, claim that they encounter overwhelming love.

If God didn't like the name, He could have easily rebuked those who use it, one way or another. If one is a Christian, one has to say that St. John's naming of God is inspired, that in some fashion God and St. John conspired to call Her Love.

Odd.

All right, our efforts at naming God are pale metaphors that reveal to us a little about God, a lot less than they don't reveal. God is like human love but also unlike it. Less passionate, less forceful, less determined, less enraptured? We can hardly say that because if we do the metaphor collapses. Love in its very nature is passionate, forceful, determined, enraptured. So if the metaphor has any validity at all it must mean that God is like human love only more so, more passionate, more forceful, more determined, more enraptured.

Scary.

Persistently passionate human lovers can be very scary. However, we can cool them off in various ways. A God who is infinitely more passionate? A God whom we can't cool off? A God from whom we can't escape? Very scary indeed.

And very odd.

Love is not just hearts and flowers and St. Valentine's Day lace -- though it is that too. Love is essentially a raging torrent rushing inexorably toward union. A river tumbling irresistibly toward the ocean, the ocean sweeping up into the river mouth in its high tide. Love is usually very messy, very troublesome, very dangerous, very consuming. It is, as Father Martin Darcy S.J. wrote in his classic The Mind and Heart of Love, finally not so much the desire to possess as the desire to be possessed. God is like that?

Most odd.

We are tempted to say that God doesn't really mean that. She conspired with St. John to say she was something sweet and nice, not something turbulent and demanding and fearsome. The word doesn't mean the same thing at all when it is used of human love as when it is used as God. Certainly Love is not love, right?

Wrong! Unless you want to argue that God plays word games as well as dice.

Love emerged in humankind not as a result of our being human but as a precondition of our becoming human. In our hominid ancestors the bonding between male and female, already passionate enough, had to extend to the female's children for humanity as we know it to emerge. The bond of love produced a family and, by so doing, produced humankind. Moreover, to really bond the family together humans had to develop in such a way that the male and female were capable of sex not merely episodically (once a month, once a year) but all the time. Now that is really messy!

Did God really want to compare Himself to the hunger of man and woman for one another, a hunger which in its pervasiveness is unique among the species about which we know? A hunger which causes all kinds of trouble in the human condition? A hunger which has developed out of the bonding propensities that we share with other less passionate species? A propensity to bond rooted in the earth and in bodies? Did God want us to think that He's really like that?

If He did, that is outrageously odd. However, one learns, like Job, not to argue with God. If God wants to be Love, then that's His business. One can understand, however, why many people try to pretend that God doesn't really mean it or to pretty the name over with a sentimental veneer. The implications of the notion that there is something in the messy joy of human passion that is very like God are too disturbing to have to take seriously.

Not only, then, do we pretend that the passion between man and woman is totally different from God's passion for us, we also try to pretend that all the other varieties of love that are part of human life are totally different from sexual passion. The word obviously means three totally different things -- God, human sexual attraction, and all the other loves in our life. There is lovep1p, lovep2p, and lovep3p. The first is God, the second is sexual attraction, the third is the way we feel about our friends and relatives. All are different. They merely happen to have the same name.

Stated that baldly, our attempt to eliminate the body from our friendships and from God may seem hilarious to some. Nonetheless, it is the implied conventional wisdom of those who want to escape from the scary implications of love as passion.

In fact, we know of no other species that have as many different kinds of love as we do. Clearly all our other loves are possible only because we are a species endowed with a very unique kind of sexuality, one oriented not merely, and not even principally, toward reproduction but toward bonding. Humans can have a wide variety of loves because they have such a powerful capacity to bond. The other loves are not the same as passion between man and woman, but the ability to engage in passionate sexual bonding makes possible all the other loves. They are not watered-down versions of sexual love but rather the result of our vast, amorphous, and desperate need to bond. Close friendship is not the same as sexual love, but it's not completely different either and is possible because we are creatures who can bond.

That leaves unanswered the question of why God wants to identify herself with human bonding, why She wants to create the impression that it is in her nature to bond with us. We often wish God would go away with that metaphor, but clearly there is no escaping it though we pretend to try.

Perhaps that is the reason that in so many of the current spate of books about virtues (Books of Virtue, etc.) love is absent. In these books one encounters much about various stoic virtues as honesty, reliability, industry, and suchlike -- all doubtless admirable virtues. However, one reads nothing in these inestimable anthologies about love.

One wonders why. Did St. Paul not say the greatest virtue was love? Have the anthologists dismissed him because love has somehow come to be identified with nineteen sixties' hedonism (as in "make love not war"), drugs, and rock music? Might it be that love is perceived as a soft, mushy, self-indulgent, undisciplined quality that hardly deserves the name of a virtue? How could one who writes editorials for the Wall Street Journal and cries for more outrage from Americans possibly sing the praises of something like love, for which there is, anyhow, little room in a free market economy? Why, of all things, should parents want to put in the hands of their children a book about love? Given the very conservative orientation of the anthologists, that may well be the case. Too bad for St. Paul. And for St. John too.

If love is a torrential force toward a union that bonds, it will bring sustained happiness only when it is focused, disciplined, intent, experienced, mature, patient, kind, and all those other nice things St. Paul says about it. The ability to love wisely and well is the most important trait parents can pass on to their children. It is not, however, sentimental mush.

Thus it seemed to us that the omission of Love from those anthologies is passing strange. So we decided to prepare a book that might be a supplement or a corrective or even a challenge to such books of virtue, minimally a polite reminder from St. Paul that without love the stoic virtues are sounding brass and tinkling cymbals.

Therefore we commit this book to two fundamental propositions:

God is Love.

The greatest of all virtues is love.

Mega Daughter

One favorite childhood memory of mine was being with my sister as we watch Sharon's films on the big screen. She's a true Sharonian. And I think she has rubbed off on me, but this time I love Sharon's daughter KC. She is cool. Recently, tabloid showbiz went crazy over the news that she spent time with her dad, after years of not being together. Wow. She is truly her mother's best achievement. And the fact that she shuns the usual showbiz fare but still graces commercials and fashion mags (and they sell!), that's class.

Oki, I think aside from Lea Salonga and Mikee Cojuangco, KC will be included in my roster of favorite Pinay beauties. They exude beauty, style, grace and excellence. Truly worth emulating. Ohh, I can't wait for my baby girl (!) in + years hahaha..

--------------------------

Sleep has been such an indulgence especially this long weekend. The rainy weather just makes you want to lie down and chill. Hay..sarap. And then my 15 month old toddler would wrestle me in bed and as usual, I lose everytime. Sigh.

Survey

Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. Voice and stage performance coach
2. Researcher and production assistant
3. Creative and PR staff
4. Marketing ASM

Four movies I've watched Over and Over:
1. Pretty Woman
2. You've Got Mail
3. Before Sunrise
4. Before Sunset

Four places I've lived in:
1. Belair in UN Avenue - 26 years of my life
2. Sampaloc, Manila - bumabaha
3. Las Pinas
4. BF Paranaque

Four TV shows I'd like to watch:
1. One Tree Hill
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. LOST
4. Philippine Idol

Four places I've been on a vacation:
1. Hongkong
2. China
3. Cebu
4. Sagada

Websites I visit daily:
1. msn
2. livejournal
3. blogger
4. inq7

My favorite foods:
1. italian
2. sitsirya - junk food is my weakness
3. ice cream
4. inihaw

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Paris
2. Florence
3. California
4. Corregidor

Being a Fan

Hi, Lynette!

Great to hear from you. You're always good for my ego. I'm actually delighted to hear that Jinxed is now dog-eared, lol, and that it's still bringing you so much pleasure.

I hope you'll follow me when I make the switch to Desire. Take care and do stay in touch!

Best, Day
--------

This is the reply I got from Day Leclaire, author of numerous romance books from Harlequin.

When I was a teenager, I used to read about an average of 2 books a day since these are easy reads, roughly 100 pages max of Harlequin, Mills and Boons, Silhoutte no brainers. I like the stories, how they met, fall in love, conflict, break up and the obligatory happy endings. It's pure mush but still for someone who didn't have a boyfriend in highschool, it was a great escape from it all. If you're not living it, at least you get to read about it right?!

Day Leclaire had this fun book called "Jinxed". The story revolves around a toy inventor (girl) who is clumsy and disorganized so her boss (guy) usually freaks out. It's a screwball comedy filled with hilarious situations and I just kept on laughing the whole time. I love it so much.

Videoke

My videoke experience takes me as far back as late 1990's, when multiplex was becoming obsolete and cds are the "in" thing. The first time I heard of Magic Sing microphone was when my ex-boyfriend used to do demos and they'd do the rounds in exhibits and trade fairs. I kid you not.

Next thing I knew, videoke microphones,token machines and videoke bars took hold of Pinoys everywhere. It's fun. It fulfills your diva ambitions. It annoys your neighbors. FUN!

I already have a repertoire when it comes to these long, long hours of serious singing. From fast to slow, OPM..love it. And then you see your reward at the end: 100, You Are Great Singer!

Of War

The first ever memory I had of war was when I was 9 years old. I remember distinctly it was on channel 7 and the made for tv movie was called "Escape from Sobibor". It was about a few Jews who escaped in a Poland death camp. After that, I kept reading about Nazis, Hitler, Holocaust and we even had a Time war photography book. I dunno but I was hooked. Anne Frank made me cry a lot. I used to think all Germans were evil. I hated their language and I feared them. I watched "Schindler's List" and the "Pianist" with a heavy heart. I didn't understand "Life is Beautiful" when I first saw it until I had my own child. How I wanted to shield him from the horrors of the world and so forth.

Now, there's the war in Lebanon. In the homefront, NPAs and terrorists abound. It's scary. In an instant, your whole life will change. Survival or death - not much choice but it's reality. Will I be a hero or a coward?

Vodka Dry

There was a year when I was drunk for like twice a week. I'm not sure if it's 2002 or 2003. Anyway. I didn't know why I felt compelled to drink. I wasn't depressed or anything (or was I? Tsk tsk, I don't really remember). I'd also have drinking sessions at home with my brothers. I just went to gimiks and it was more fun to have Smirnoff Mule or Bailey's or San Mig Light than Cali Shandy. It was also the year I think I went bar hopping the most. Now I think of how much I spent that time and winced. Going home at 5am from Malate, Thelma if you're reading this - those were the days..

My alcohol history is under scrutiny today since we recently had our videoke night with office pips. And I only had grape juice. Ya, how boring but it was a really huge glass (hehe). Anyway. I realized alcohol doesn't appeal to me anymore unlike before. Although I can still have Absolut vodka on certain occasions. Or gin tonic.

Or..never mind..

Musicals

The past week was cartoons, this weekend was all about musicals. And guess who was my tv buddy? Rye of course! I got copies of "The Phantom of the Opera" and "Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat". And then we both got lost in the fascinating worlds of music, song and dance. We gasped. We danced. We slept really late.

In college, I was able to learn about musicals when I studied the works of Vincente Minnelli - An American in Paris, Meet Me in St. Louis, Brigadoon..So now I'm gonna start my own collection. Oh and soundtracks too.

My nephews got hooked on "High School Musical" at Disney Channel. Now I'm into it as well. And the female lead is Pinay. Yey!

Cartoons

I know this is such a LATE review on "Chicken Little" but I can't help but write about it nonetheless. Yesterday, when the rains were pounding outside, Rye and I were laughing (at least I was laughing and he was seriously watching - eyes big and mouth open). I wasn't able to see it when it was the "in" movie. It was fun. I mean I only watch cartoons when I'm with kids and watching it with my son had a special feel to it. Like it's a start of stuffs we would do together..now we wrestle each other, I'd relentlessly pursue to kiss him and he'd wiggle away and then I'll corner him and he'll give out an ear-shattering shriek. Tomorrow, we might be travelling together. Or in the future, we'd watch basketball etc etc.